Ask yourself these questions before getting involved with a much younger partner
Maybe age is just a number but if you’re dating a younger partner or considering pursuing one, it’s important to ask yourself some questions before you go any further. Depending on what you want in life and in your relationships—from sexual desires to children to emotional fulfillment –there are crucial considerations to keep in mind when it comes to dating a younger partner with a considerable age gap.
Although there are certain obstacles when it comes to dating a younger partner, Dr. Sarah E. Hillresearch psychologist and professor of sex and dating, says“People who are 10, 20 or more years between them can experience real romantic relationships in the same way as people who are closer.”
And despite heteronormative stereotypes (i.e. the classic May-December romance with the old man and the young ingenue), Hill says being in an age gap relationship is a choice anyone can make.
“It’s not a relationship choice that’s only reserved for heterosexual men or women, cisgender women, or others who conform to a traditional gender binary,” she says.
What will help your relationship go the distance—or determine if hooking up is a temporary stop in your dating journey—is being honest with yourself and your partner, and asking the right questions.
“Getting into these relationships requires honesty and communication from both parties,” Hill says. “These are conversations that can be applied to any age gap relationship, including yours.”
Even if the chemistry is electric, consider asking yourself – and your new love –the following questions to see if this is really the best solution for you.
What are my intentions in pursuing this relationship?
“Research reveals that this is one of the most important questions to ask before entering a relationship, but it’s especially important to ask when pursuing non-traditional relationships,” Hill says. “Many come into these relationships with hidden assumptions about what these relationships mean.”
For example, is it a short-term relationship that exists to fulfill a sexual fantasy, or is it about wanting a real connection with someone?
“Knowing what your own intentions are will allow you to communicate your expectations and needs to your partner and will allow him to communicate his needs to you,said Hill.
How do I feel about the possibility of making more money than my partner?
“In our culture, older age tends to correlate with greater earning power,” Hill says. “Therefore, in most ages-gap relationships, the older partner makes more money. It’s obviously a personal choice. but it’s a good idea to consider what it might mean in your relationship dynamics.
For example, are you comfortable being able to afford to travel and foot the bill more often than your partner? If you are in a position to buy a house at this time in your life, are you okay with having fa partner who may not be in the same financial situation as you? If not, maybe it’s time to quit.
How will I go about it if my young partner wants to have (more) children?
Many people over 30 already have children, So Hill says it’s important for men and women who are already parents to consider whether or not they want to continue growing their families.
“If they have to engage in a relationship with a younger partner, do they want to have (more) children? Can they have (more) children? If they can no longer have children, the elderlyfashionable, what do they think of non-traditional ways to become a parent? »
Am I emotionally ready to be in a relationship where the stigma still exists?
Although most Americans report that it’s okay for older women to date younger men, according to Hill, the double standards still exist. She quotes a Ipsos survey of more than 1,000 Americans commanded by cougar lifea canada-based dating site for empowered women that found 71% of men and women said they accept male-led age-gap relationships, while only 60% accepted female-led age relationships.gap relationships.
“It’s important to be realistic about this double standard before diving into these relationships and to make sure you’re prepared for the possibility that not everyone will support your decision,” Hill says. “For example, many people assume that these relationships are all about sex or money. It’s extremely important that everyone is on the same page about the relationship expectations of everyone involved.
And if you’re someone whose relationship doesn’t fit into a traditional cisgender or heterosexual box, Hill says the aforementioned numbers would likely be even lower. “No matter how one identifies, LGBTQIA or heterosexual, it is important to be aware of this double standard before diving into these age gap relationships and to ensure that you are prepared for the possibility that any the world does not support your decision.”
How do I see my relationship and life goals evolving in the next two years?
“Each of us is a work in progress and our needs and wants…both in our relationships, but also professionally and in our relationships with others—change as we mature,” says Hill. “In an age-gap relationship, there’s a bit more risk of potential misalignment since the two parties are at different stages of life. It’s important to think ahead to see if we expects a continued roster despite the age difference.
Because our needs and wants change as we mature, Hill says it’s important to better understand your and your partner’s future expectations and where you stand.
So before going any further in the relationship, clarify your goals for your life and relationships and be honest with yourself 😀o Does your partner realistically fit into them? It is important for you to stay true to what you want in a partner, no matter the age.