Bumble and Tinder talk about consent. But it’s not just the ‘N’ word


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THEand let’s be honest, conversations around consent have been magnified by dating apps. From Tinder to Bumble, chatting and encouraging conversations around consent seems to be a top priority for these apps. Released on September 9, a Tinder short titled Closure addresses mutual consent through the story of two people who are no longer together.

Covid-19 and the extended lockdown have made people yearn for human interaction, touch, and companionship. Global isolation was extremely difficult, especially for people who lived alone, and even otherwise. In August, Tinder released a global report, The future of dating is fluid, in which he declared 2020 to be his busiest year ever. The app was launched in 2012 in the US and entered the Indian market in 2016. According to the report, “60% of members came to Tinder because they felt lonely and wanted to connect with people. “

In contrast, a Bumble report sets up another perspective. About 70 percent of Indian women felt that online bullying / harassment increased during the pandemic. It’s important to note that as dating becomes a fully online experience in the midst of Covid-19, the risks of consent violation and harassment have also increased.

As conversations about consent and best practices gain momentum, here are some tips on online dating etiquette for dummies:

Read also: Meetings are back. But Covid made coffee with someone much more complicated

It’s all about consent

While the concept of “consent” is by no means new, the word entered popular Indian lingo after the 2016 film Pink, in which a brooding lawyer, played by Amitabh Bachchan, said “No, it is. no “and breaks the silence on nature. sensual / sexual interaction largely between men and women.

Oddly enough, this is sort of where the conversation started and ended – “No means no”. Even before that, with the #MeToo movement, questions and conversations arose – is it still possible to spell a categorical ‘no’? Is consent just a yes or no question? It has taken years, but finally, in 2021, we are starting to realize that consent is a multi-layered concept.

And it is made of borders.

In this Tinder sponsored video, four content creators / actors discuss the most asked questions about consent and the discussion is instructive on how anyone could have gone wrong in trying to figure it out, but we can’t tell. ‘stop there.

To call or not to call

The online label indicates whether you can actually switch platforms. Should you participate in this call because the app gives you the opportunity? You have to ask, period. Assuming consent is really the wrong way to go. Sneaking into “DMs” out of the blue is never “romantic”, it’s only scary, unless you said you wanted to log into another platform and received a message. affirmative answer.

Understanding that while Covid has definitely put everyone in the spotlight and we have had to learn and even unlearn online behavior, this cannot be an excuse to push and cross the line. Not everyone is comfortable with video calling. For my part, I would avoid it like the plague. And even though my workplace requires Zoom interviews and meetings, I don’t necessarily have to submit to that in meetings.

Also, since when has texting become a “boring” medium? One should be allowed to feel a certain degree of comfort in communicating by SMS before making any calls, whether they are voice or video. And constantly insisting on “I’m better in person” or “I think a call would be better” turns people off rather than convincing them.

Read also: This is how sugar daddies and babies are found in India these days

Watch your words

We have certainly taken some steps to ensure that the online presence and vocabulary is improved with words like “toxic” and “responsibility”, but they are still poorly understood. They are still seen as absolutes, rather than work in progress and probably used to define others, more than to self-assess.

And of course, there is the question of sexting. Even for something that may seem harmless enough to you, sending an explicit message or a ‘non-vegetarian’ joke, so to speak, or insisting on sexting because you might have had a frank discussion about sex, didn’t is not welcome, and frankly, just simple harassment.

Read also: Less ghosts, breadcrumbs, cat fishing: Bumble poll says Covid has improved online dating

To meet or not to meet

In the kind of ‘Carpe Diem‘or’ YOLO ‘as Gen Z would call it, which we inhabit, we tend to favor in-person meetings rather than behind the screens. But knowing someone’s comfort level is important. Some people prefer to meet almost right away, while others may need a little time.

Something that has come up in many discussions with friends is that if the date ends in a kiss, there seems to be an assumption, almost immediately, that it will be followed by sex. While sex can be a step, a kiss certainly doesn’t seal it. And more importantly, your date might not really want it.

It’s important to constantly move towards a more inclusive approach to consent, and to continue asking questions, and yes, permissions. In fact, here I remember the famous dialogue of Wasseypur Gangs – Part 2 – “Authorization leni chaiye na? “, whether before holding hands or initiating sex, or even slipping into Instagram or Facebook DMs.

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