The Big Mad: Testimonial, replacement of Rush and Schmitt the stuntman
Welcome to the Big Mad, the RFTthe weekly roundup of fair rage! Because we know your time is short and your anger is burning:
Definitely maybe: It’s no surprise that the Missouri legislature is considering the deranged electoral conspiracies over how the 2020 election was stolen, but the degree of stupidity reached at an Aug. 24 meeting of the House Elections Committee of the Missouri has taken the needle from parody to stuffing to a simple line of facepalm emojis. The hearing featured “Testimony” from Republican Representative Ann Kelley on what she learned at the Cyber Symposium hosted by deranged pillow mogul Mike Lindell, who spent months promising overwhelming evidence proving hackers altered 2020 votes and stole America a second Trump term – and of course, no evidence has been provided. That meant Kelley and her fellow Republicans had to work twice as hard to make the nonsense reasonable, while distancing themselves from Mike Lindell’s radioactive madness … which is a hard sell when, again, you get the information. “experts” who basically don’t understand how elections work. The solution, for Kelley, was to cover every claim with a self-contradiction. “I think it’s very obvious that there might be a problem, “she argued in one of the many moments of inconsistency. Later, when questioned by a Democratic committee member who asked for the identity and credentials of one of those” experts, “Kelley blasted: “What does it matter? What does it matter?” At least by then she was finally being honest.
The Missouri Ls: Just when we thought Missouri might stop apologizing for Rush Limbaugh, we remember Dana Loesch. The ex-St. Blogger Louis featured in a, let’s say “generous” Washington post profile, located in her ridiculous Texas home where she, as Limbaugh did in Florida, becomes completely elitist while posing as the voice of the average American. (If you read the story, you might spy on the line, with an accompanying photo, about her starting to smoke a tobacco pipe and be tempted to wonder if that qualifies her as a hipster soyboy.) We suppose it’s fitting that she is now viewed as the successor to Limbaugh’s talk radio time slot. They both discovered wealth by twisting facts to stoke America’s worst impulses. And, of course, it’s nice to know that she doesn’t broadcast her anti-mask, vaccine-skeptic, anti-critic racial theory rants by now these days, but maybe that the universe might focus on non-Missouri clowns for a while?
Wasted time: In a world where dating apps have become the bane of most people’s existence, where love seems to be forever unattainable, we must ask ourselves: how did we not think of starting our own site. meetings where we are the only profile? The sheer genius of St. Louis resident Colin O’Brien who created a site that women can only apply to with him – DateColinOBrien.com, of course – is why we can believe again in love. This innovation raises the question: Where the hell has it been our whole life? Could we have spent our nights doing other things than browsing an app for hours, losing our last hopes for a meaningful relationship in modern society? O’Brien has racked up over 150 date invitations, all with women seriously interested in him, without having to travel the Tinder jungle to do so. The back and forth that comes with dating app woes, the potential ghosting, the “So can I have your real number instead of using this app to contact you?” Question – all these obstacles are gone. Honestly, it’s not with O’Brien that we have trouble with this one. We are angry with ourselves.
Schrödinger virus: In today’s right-wing political landscape, intellectual inconsistency and shameless hypocrisy are the ingredients of winning campaigns, as Eric Schmitt, Missouri attorney general and Senate hopeful, is keenly aware. How else would you explain his recent decision to sue school districts that implement masking rules while simultaneously continuing his lawsuit against the Chinese government for the spread of the disease? In April 2020, when the battle lines of the COVID culture war were not yet clearly defined, Schmitt insisted that “the Chinese government lied to the world about the danger and contagious nature of COVID-19 … and did little to stop the spread of the disease, ”demanding that the nation be held accountable for its actions. Fast forward to last week, Schmitt’s latest base suit minimizes the danger and contagious nature of COVID-19 while actively seeking to suppress one of the best tools we have to stop its spread. Shouldn’t he also hold these actions to account? Maybe we will get lucky and he will continue on his own.
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