What went wrong? – Love Letters.com
Last weekend, I broke up a year-long relationship with a guy I liked. We met online and just clicked, and our physical chemistry was amazing from the start. He is kind, attractive, a hard worker and treated me very well during the first few months of dating when he sued me. But there were issues we couldn’t overcome: mainly spending quality time together, largely because of his job, which had him working nights, but also because of my allergy to his pet. Weeks passed and it didn’t seem to phase him not to see me, even though he was still texting regularly.
A few weeks ago, I started to feel like I was making every effort to fit in with his free time and his life, when he was making no effort for me. I started noticing his ambivalence about our relationship in general, so I called him and broke it off. It was really heartbreaking. His response was really confusing to me: he accepted my reasons and said he couldn’t change jobs and his family would definitely miss me. And that was it.
The next day he was back on an online dating site. Obviously, he wasn’t as invested in our relationship as I was. I feel like he was too cowardly to break off on his own. Was it just a case of He just wasn’t interested in me or work and lifestyle incompatibilities? I don’t like to feel like a fool, so I’d like some advice on how to get a good pulse on a budding relationship on whether to keep fishing or cut the bait.
– What happened?
Looks like you know everything.
He enjoyed the relationship, but not enough to keep the momentum going. He thought you were awesome, but won’t change his life.
He probably has do know it was over a little before you called him. Maybe it was cowardice, maybe laziness, maybe he thought the status quo was enough for you two, at least for now. Anyway, when you expressed a desire for more, he let you go. It doesn’t have to be malicious; it’s possible that he just rubbed shoulders, taking advantage of what you both had until it was clear he couldn’t keep things on his terms anymore.
How do you get a reading on a relationship over time? There is excitement. Kindness. There is also the intention, especially to continue to show up, even when the schedules are difficult. Work and lifestyle compatibilities were part of the problem here, but so was his lack of motivation to join you. It was great for a few months…and then it wasn’t.
I’m not sure you could have hastened the breakup, by the way. You needed a bit to understand. But with the next match, after six or eight months, you may wonder if the relationship is as stable – and won on both sides – as it was at the start.
I think you are asking how to avoid relationships that might end. There is no way around the risk and possible loss. The good news is that you can admit something is wrong. It’s a big help.
Readers? What happened here?