Yes, it’s racist to find someone unattractive because of their race

It doesn’t matter if you love it or hate it MAFSblatant racism Selina experienced in his conversation with Cody was hurtful and disbursed – and worse, it’s ridiculously common in the dating world. So let’s take this opportunity to explain exactly why racial preferences in dating are downright racist.

MAFS is good for a lot of things (raising your blood pressure, triggering your gag reflex, making you grateful for the person you are, etc.), but one of its most useful traits is that, like all reality TV , it is a springboard for conversations about society and its prejudices.

In case you missed the most recent episode, a blatant (but somehow casual) act of racism assaulted our screens when Cody confirmed to Selina that he didn’t find her as attractive as the other women because she is asian.

To give you some context, the contestants were asked to rank each other (who thought of that??), and Selina revealed that she had been bullied her whole life because she had the Asian look.

“Because I was severely bullied at school for being Asian, I was, you know, the odd one out. I was always the ugly duckling and always felt different, so I can’t physically judge people based on their looks,” Selina explained.

But then Cody (who’s whiter than a toilet) rated her lower than expected – and when she asked why he said she didn’t look “familiar”, that she was not what he would “normally” wear, and that it did not correspond to his “personal preferences”.

When Selina cut the bullshit off and asked, “Is the lack of interest, attraction, and affection due to my nationality and appearance?” Cody said yes.

“I think so, honestly, it was something that played out, initially,” he said.

“I’m not racist in any way, but it’s not something I know about… The short answer is that it probably is.

“It’s just not something I’ve ever normally gone for, and it’s, I don’t know where it comes from, a personal preference.”

Sorry to break this to those of you who play the game at home, but it is racist to think that an Asian woman is less attractive than all the white women on Sydney’s northern beaches just because of her ethnicity, and here’s why.

Any woman (or person) of color who has dated in Australia has likely had two specific dating experiences: people who fetishize you for your race and people who are repulsed by it. Both are racist, but let’s focus on the latter.

Excluding a specific race from attraction means you’ve made two assumptions about people of that race: 1) they’re all unattractive, and 2) they’re all alike.

When we consider that there is millions of people of those races, and you painted them all with the same negative brush, what you did was basically deny their individuality, their diversity, and their unique personality.

You reduced them all to a subset of phenotypes and stereotypes that you think all members of this race exhibit, and then dismissed all of those traits as inferior to your own. Which is racist.

And speaking of inferiority, the idea that white women are specifically more attractive than Asian women is actually rooted in white supremacy – something we all have a responsibility to unlearn.

It is important that we call this pattern of behavior for what it is (racist). Because I know from my own experience that more people share this belief.

As a Sydney based woman of color myself, I can’t count the number of times I’ve been fetishized or told I’m ugly/repulsive because of my race. And in Sydney, at least for me, it was almost always white men from the northern and eastern suburbs who held those beliefs and subjected me to their antics.

It’s honestly so sad and frustrating to see this racist bullshit persist MAFSon *national television*, but with the right response from us viewers, this could be a learning experience for all the racists in our lives who clearly have no idea their preferences are harmful.

The key takeaway here is that basically you should date someone because you like them as a person, not because of their ethnicity or lack thereof.

And if you think it’s okay to find people unattractive just because of their race, you need to do some serious self-reflection and think about the elements of white supremacy that you’ve internalized.

Warmth is an atmosphere, not a look. K thank you bye.

Soaliha (@soalihaofficial) is a writer for PEDSTRIAN.TV, and she also has her own podcast called Here’s the thing, thowhich you should absolutely consult if you want to know more about this subject.

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